Image of a record and the needle of a record player

What are the elements that make for good ethical partnerships between families and services?

We haven’t been partners

Families have been very used to a system in which professionals and service providers have been invested in as the ‘solution-makers’. This model has rendered invisible the social innovation capacity of people with disability to develop their own solutions as it generates a ‘solution-receiver’ role which is largely passive. The search for solutions outside oneself means that services end up (both if you can get a service and also if you can’t get a service) playing a big role in people’s lives.

In addition, historically people receiving services have, by-and-large, been offered fixed models of care and support. This means that services are largely created before people arrive on the scene. This results in a ‘one size fits all’ approach. Such a system is not able to provide what a person needs to maximise the potential of their life. Maximising a person’s potential is predicated on a personalised system, where support can be designed with people, ‘one person at a time’.

What does truly personalised support demand?

Creating personalised solutions means people with disability will move from being passive recipients of ‘one size fits all’ care to ‘partners’, ‘creators’ and ‘drivers’ of solutions. To grasp this opportunity they will need to become engaged in the design and delivery of their own support arrangements, and become equipped to choose and direct the services they receive.

The beauty of the possibility of the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS) is that those who choose to self-manage their funds may not even need to use a traditional service to provide what is outlined in their plan. This possibility needs wide-scale promotion.

We also know, however, that larger numbers of people still continue to rely on disability services. Given this, what are the elements of a genuinely helpful partnership between a person and a service?

A story to start with

My brother received a support package, moved out of a group home and into his own home in 1996. At that time we partnered with a local service with experience in devolution and supporting people in their own homes^[1].  In 2005 however, we found ourselves in a collapsed relationship with this service. Ultimately it became nasty. It rendered my brother effectively homeless for about a year. It was long and arduous, but ultimately we decided to seek a new provider and a new relationship (NB this demonstrates the importance of portability of funding).

And so this was the context in which we were about to meet the key ‘implementation person’ of another service. We already had a positive response from the CEO and now the next step was to meet the person who could help make it happen.

The meeting was arranged at my brother’s home. Big tick already. I remember we had a meal together. Another big tick. She got up and did the washing up! Yes, we stood and had a conversation about our experience, my brother’s needs, getting to know us as the washing up happened, and it was no artfulness on her part!

A sound basis for good partnership

There are many subsequent stories to tell about this woman, but all of them have a common thread of ‘stick-with-it-ness’. She aligned herself wholly with the interests of my brother and of doing her all to make things work for him. Consequently she stuck with the ups and downs of his life and getting his supports the best they could be. She still remains very connected to my brother eight years later, in friendship and guidance.

“Lucky you” you might say. The point of this story is NOT ‘if or when you find a good person, then you should go with that service’. Of course that is too random, and good people come and go too, so no, this is not a sound basis for partnership.

Rather, through this story and this relationship we can extract many things that ARE the basis of good partnership:

• ‘submissive posture’ – the onus is on me to build trust, openness, questioning, curiosity
• recognition of where people have come from and therefore what mindset they may have
• equality of relationship
• commitment to the person
• ability to effectively and repeatedly problem-solve

I summarise our relationship as: The road ahead is unknown. Quite probably lots of mistakes will be made. We can’t say what it will look like from our end. We want to say that we’ll make a commitment to you to work it out as we go.

An A-side and a B-side make a record!

Yes back in the dreaded past, there were magical things called records (check it out on Wikipedia if you don’t believe me)! A record has an A-side and a B-side. You flipped a record over, played the other side and together they made beautiful music!

Michael Kendrick explains partnership through an A and B dialogue. It was revelatory when I first heard it and made me immediately think of this record analogy. An A side and a B side are two sides of the one thing.

Actually going to Wikipedia isn’t a bad idea, because you get to read things like this, “The A-side usually featured the recording that the artist, record producer, or the record company intended to receive the initial promotional effort and then receive radio airplay, hopefully, to become a hit record. The B-side (or “flip-side”) is a secondary recording that has a history of its own.”

So you see, they are two sides of the one thing, but they both have different roles. This is the beauty of a genuine partnership. It is an alliance that benefits both because each is providing something the other doesn’t have or doesn’t want to have. In the business world, for example, good partnerships help each party go further. “I’ve got a great product. You’ve got access to a large market. Let’s make business love!” In fact there is a whole area of business theory that says partnerships are the real key to success.

Of course in our context we are talking about an historical power imbalance between the parties. We also need to take into account that relationship is not purely transactional (although I would argue that even in the business world relationships are not just transactional). Despite this, however, I think this framework gives us a very good starting point.

Adopting a mindset of “our presence will benefit this organisation”, not just this organisation will benefit us and thinking through those benefits changes the conversation. In other words don’t go in as the “underdog”. I remember even in 2005, we treated this as partnership building. When seeking a service we discussed and proposed my brother’s needs and our values, in order to find a good match. It has worked well for us and is an approach I have supported other families to use, with good results. It often results in very exciting, very relevant, living service agreements (happy to share some examples if you contact me).

This kind of approach isn’t only successful if you have a funding package. I know people who were only eligible for support that came through block funding, but managed to negotiate the personalisation of those resources through this kind of approach. For many years my brother accessed a day service that was block funded. He is too old to have been eligible for the individualised day program funding now available in NSW. My mother, ever sharp as a tack, realised the moment when his day service was to be moved to a non-government provider it could be seen as an opportunity. So we used this approach to negotiate a more individualised approach. This was the catalyst for him to leave the day program and do more interesting things with his life, like start a small business!

I’m a big believer in vision, mindset and thinking outside the box FIRST. Make the money follow and support that rather than starting with the money!

A-side

As families, we often think only about ‘what the service should be doing’. But what are our roles and responsibilities in creating an ethical partnership?

As I have eluded to, we have found it very helpful to approach service providers in the same way we interview/recruit for support workers – looking for a good match.

Take some time to develop what you need.  I know this can be difficult but it is worth the investment.  Think of it like a proposal – “hey, we are looking to do X, Y and Z. We could really use some help with A ,B, C to make that happen. What do you say to that”?  Think about what you don’t think already exists in you, your family, networks, community, and use these gaps to identify possible provider roles.

The conversations never quite go as linear as the above but it avoids the approach of ‘let’s hear what they can do and choose the least worst option’. You want to hear what a service can do, but in relation to what you need. Otherwise what you tend to get is a service menu. And often you can negotiate something new that the service didn’t have on its menu because you have articulated excitement, innovation and benefit.

Triple win thinking is so powerful here. A powerful proposition articulates:

What is the benefit to the person?

What is the benefit to the family?

What is the benefit to the service?

What’s in it for all these parties? When you are talking from this perspective you are inviting someone to join your big vision.

As families we have a responsibility too to build the relationship. If we want control and decision-making in particular areas, we must commit to the responsibilities this entails. This might mean we need to learn some things and spend time understanding them more. This doesn’t mean we have to do this alone – indeed perhaps this is what you need assistance from a provider to do. For example, I’ve been in some great meetings between providers and families who want control over recruitment, induction and supervision of support workers. Meetings where information was shared to create reasonable OHS checks, simple reporting procedures and understanding responsibilities under the relevant employment award.  If we want this control then it is also our responsibility to employ people legally and pay them fairly. We need to thank, and acknowledge where things have been very helpful. It’s a truism – but in the lead-up to the NDIS, there is no better time to be letting a provider know about the things that really work and are really helpful! After all, this is what we want more of.

B-side

There is much to be said about what would be helpful from the service provider side, given the historical power imbalances in this area^[2].

I want to focus on 3 things that can really assist families as part of an ethical partnership. They all focus on helping families address adaptive barriers to change. This is a capacity-building agenda. If we have a situation where services are simply saying “we’ll just do what the family wants because that’s empowerment”, this is not always helpful in terms of the goal of developing life-giving opportunities for the person with disability. And after all, this should be the driving ethic of both service provision AND family-governance.

Firstly, families themselves are not immune to being blocked by the same things that block society in general; for example, low expectations, not having a sense of what is possible beyond current experience, having past negative experiences that make them risk averse, and trying to work things so that they can get on with their own lives (which might mean the person with disability is not always placed first). This means that families too might only be making choices within the perspective or experience they know.

‘Choice’ is a word bandied about a lot. It is very helpful to find ways of working with people that develop trust. When trust is present, it is possible to ask questions and have conversations in which people can start to see choices that they didn’t think were once possible. Services can assist families by exposing them to peer leaders who are doing things they might not have imagined possible.

Secondly, when we are seeking to be the author of our own life, many things have the potential to derail us.  For many people for example, the fear of being rejected when you take a step forward in your community can be a huge thing, but making lasting change depends upon stepping forward.

Thirdly, if given time and a structure to ‘imagine better’, rather than simply focusing on what is not working, I find families have no shortage of fabulous ideas and often the energy and tenacity to try, fail and try again. Even very tired people!

People become hungry for ideas and strategy on how to make their vision happen. Services could provide this structure.

These could be fabulous assistive possibilities on the B-side, where a service takes an ethical stance ‘alongside’ (not ‘doing for’) people in their own efforts at change.

As we can see this doesn’t just involve saying “we’ll do whatever you want because it’s your choice”! An ethical partnership can involve gristle, challenge and breaking new ground.

For a range of awesome perspectives on this topic, click here for journal by Belonging Matters 

For a shorter version of this piece on the Every Australian Counts website click here

“If I look at you like an impoverished person and you see yourself as a victim, no amount of money will change this.”

Below is an excerpt of a speech I delivered for The School for Social Entrepreneurs titled “Social Enterprise and its potential for creating more inclusive and sustainable communities” – February 20th, 2014.

“I’m very excited this evening to tell you a bit about the enterprise I founded, InCharge, and also to share my thoughts on the connections between social enterprise, genuine innovation and the creation of an inclusive society.

When I was 7 years old, my older brother, Matthew, left our family home, to be cared for elsewhere. Far from aiding our family as it was promised to be, it skewed it, and sent my brother on the path of a different and separate life to us. He spent his childhood languishing and abused in a large hostel and then in group homes. I remember arriving at his 18th birthday celebration to find that the only people there were his immediate family, and the paid staff of his group home. I remember my father cried. It was a wake-up call for me.

Imagine if your only relationships were with people paid to be there? This is the life experience of a client, not a contributor. So something had to change.

Matthew has now lived in his own home for 16 years and shared it consistently with people without disability. He has his own small business built on his interests and capacities. He has frequent gatherings of friends, supporters and family.

The difference is extraordinary. Yet Matthew is only one of 400,000 people with significant disabilities in Australia. So actually and unfortunately his deprivation is not unusual.

InCharge was created to change the experiences of others who struggle to experience a life of contribution and rich relationships. Our vision is a society where everyone’s potential is realised and where we thrive among people who love and care about us.

We exist to assist people with disability be the authors of their own lives. When people are truly in charge they are ignited by possibility in their own lives, and they also have the resources, tools and mindset to go get it. This is a self-directed life. Through our products, services and partnerships we seek to ignite possibility and then assist people put the pieces in place that turn possibility into reality.

Why is this important?

Let’s go back to that moment when my parents stepped forward and asked for assistance. What did they encounter? Well they encountered a human service system. It is now an industry, and it is essentially predicated on the belief that ‘special’ people need specialist solutions delivered by experts in specially built places. Separate schools, classrooms, homes, workplaces and centres to train people and provide therapy and other interventions. Mostly we encounter people as they drive past us in white buses or as they move in groups through our shopping centres. We see them in the distance of our lives. In our desire to assist people get a better deal we have actually created the tools of exclusion.

Such a system cannot deliver the stuff of a good life. It cannot deliver love, it cannot deliver intimacy, it cannot deliver belonging or purpose, friendship, or being an actor in one’s own life.

Ultimately this is what we want for ourselves; a life of contribution, a life of richness.

If we are to bring such an inclusive community to life then we need to look now in different places for solutions. This is all of our business – to look for the real leaders and the genuine solutions.

We are fortunate in Australia that there are now many more opportunities for people to step beyond a life lived in ‘service land’. There are so many more people now who have ideas about their good life, who are trying things and who have different expectations. Who are basically sticking their fingers up at the persistent and draining low expectations that pervades our society.

So we believe that one of the most powerful things that can happen is to shine a light, support and nurture ideas people are generating themselves. These are the places it make sense to look for the kinds of solutions that really create an inclusive society. And this is also where support to social enterprise could be of such benefit.

As the founder of InCharge I have chosen a social enterprise framework because it has allowed the freedom to find the best ways to shine a light and support genuine innovation. It has been so beneficial to explore the kind of petri dish that bubbles and ignites this stuff. Remaining loose but focussed, allows us to explore the spaces between, where exciting things might burst forth. I believe the 4 way partnership that has supported Nathan – who will speak to you in a moment – to become an SSE student is a fine example of this. Social enterprise has really helped us to think about our sustainability. The idea that we can create our own resources and scale when we need to. Focussing on the internal assets and capacities of the organisation as a starting place to generate value, including financial value, has been revolutionary to me coming from a traditional non-profit background.

So you are going to hear from Nathan Basha tonight.

But what other interesting innovations are we finding?

People with significant disabilities are finding ways for themselves to work. Micro-enterprise and small niche businesses are becoming a very attractive idea for many people assessed out of employment support, and otherwise find themselves relegated to a drab life of endless activities, community access and training.

People are finding very interesting ways of being supported to move into their own homes, thus breaking the nexus of the non-choice between being their parents home forever or living with other people with disabilities. They are living with people without disabilities, they are creating intentional communities of disabled and non disabled people.

People with intellectual disability and their advocates are creating pathways into university

1. see University of Sydney
2. and the formative program in Alberta, Canada

They are building their own enterprises built to address very specific barriers – please look on our links page for some fabulous examples.

So what are the threads that bind these kinds of ideas, projects and movements?

I want share with you what I think are some of the hallmarks of genuine innovation. Again I hope you see the universality in these for all of us working to create more inclusive societies.

Sustainability

Long lasting, personal relationships are the key to ongoing quality of life. Innovative enterprises create a more inclusive society by assisting people to tap into the wealth of ideas, people, energy and financial resources within their own networks, or to build these where they don’t exist.

 Active citizenry

People are not just receivers. Innovative enterprises showcase and build on people’s innate capacities and interests, in order to realise potential.

Addressing adaptive barriers to change

When we are seeking to be the author of our own life, many things have the potential to de-rail us. What are the barriers to change that confront those in the communities you work in?

For people with disability for example, the fear of being rejected when you take a step forward in your community can be a huge thing, but making lasting change depends upon stepping forward.? Innovative enterprises aspire to be with and for people in their own efforts at change.

Developing rich relationships

Unsatisfied with the dominance of paid relationships, innovative enterprises break this dominance and offer people a vision of a life lived with many different kinds of people and relationships.

Welcoming environments

Innovative enterprises work with the richness that already exists in our community to assist it become more adept? at inclusion. We don’t need to keep building separate.

Autonomy and control

Innovative enterprises focus on the conditions in which autonomy and greater control by people themselves can thrive.

I think we need to invest in the leaders, projects or enterprises which are attempting to show value in very non traditional areas and seeking the kinds of impacts that go to the heart of an inclusive society then we are on to something very exciting indeed.

Thank you for your time.”

One of the goals of InCharge is to grow what I have called an ‘independent ally role’.

We often hear the word ‘ally’ when talking about nations but I’m more interested in its everyday feeling or use.  An Ally is a person who stands with us, who is beside us during a big task or effort.

The need for this role has been brewing in me for many years through my family experience and through observing those individuals and families ‘doing it themselves’ as they self-direct their services and those doing it in conjunction with small, helpful, user-governed organisations and partnerships. I have seen how many people are carrying out wonderful visions for their lives but how difficult this is to sustain over time. In my work in services I have experienced how difficult it is to really drill down on the things that matter to get sustained results – things that matter like friendships, genuine community inclusion, work and moving into a home of your own.

I’ve been engaged for some-time in an ally role as part of a wonderful partnership with Supported Living Network. I spoke about this role and why it works at a recent event about the National Disability Insurance Scheme.

Check out some other fine examples in Australia and internationally.

HomesWest in Brisbane.

Belonging Matters in Victoria.

Deohaeko Support Network in Ontario.

The Circles Initiative in South Australia.

It’s a role that allows people to get on with the job of living their lives, imagining possibilities for themselves, setting directions and vision, but it is also one that can take on a lot of the ‘doing work’ that this entails. It’s perhaps the difference between being both the race car driver and the pit stop team. Many people appear to be both. An Ally can be a key player in a pit-stop team. They might even build a team.

The role takes up the gaps with imagining, thinking and doing which people with disability and their families naturally experience. And they experience it for no other reason than life can be crazy-busy, or because sometimes you simply have to focus on other people or things.

It is also an independent role, by which I mean that it is not owned by government or a non-government service provider, but is completely accountable to people themselves.

At InCharge our goal is to expand this role and make it possible for more people to find and develop their own Ally.

We’ll be showing how this role works in action. Start by checking-out our Ally Project.

Tell us what you think of this idea.

The most successful websites we have used are Gumtree and Easyroommate.

However, before advertising, I think the first step is to craft and detail the role and the kind of person you are looking for.

Clear Expectations

Start by working out in very concrete terms the kinds of things you want a supportive housemate to do. Being very clear about this means people can decide fairly quickly whether it is for them or not. For example, ‘some live-in support’ is vague but ‘assisting Math make a meal 3 nights a week’ or ‘introducing Anna to her neighbours’ are tangible expectations.

Creating ‘The Ask’

Then you can start creating a clear role description. And also what kind of person are you looking for? A homebody? An extrovert? A young person?  A calming influence? A gardener? This then provides such great clues to where to begin looking. For example, where might you find people into gardening in your community?

We’ve always been wary of just saying ‘we need someone who has experience in the caring professions’ or ‘we need to look for special ed, therapy, OT students’. We have found people so willing to learn about Math’s individual needs, they really don’t need disability experience.

Then begin stating things as roles. For example, “We are looking for a gardener and homemaker. This involves (then you can start adding your specifics in here)…..”

A role helps people visualise what is being asked. It helps people connect their life experience with your ask. It helps move people away from the idea that they need specialist disability training or particular expertise. In this way you are ‘opening up your market’.

Promote the Benefits

This involves a kind of ‘marketing’ approach – why would someone choose this experience? For example, my family knows that we are offering an absolutely AMAZING rental subsidy for Sydney. Math lives close to public transport in one of the original houses in his suburb. He offers people an opportunity to save for their first home. He has a gorgeous manageable garden. There are well-defined private spaces in his home. He offers someone a chance to re-establish themselves.  For example, Math has lived with a guy from Austria studying his PhD. One of the things he was attracted to was a more family/people situation. He didn’t want to be isolated or just live in student accommodation.

This also helps to get out of burden-thinking mindset and into wonderful possibilities territory.

What is it worth?

Then look at it all and think “what is this worth?” There is no fixed rule on this. Think about the market rent. Think about what you are asking the supportive housemate to do and the time commitment. Would you offer a partial rental subsidy, a full subsidy, an allowance, help with the cost of utilities?

Your role description and your marketing ideas then combine to create a fantastic, inviting advert. Then you can think of all the avenues to send your information out so it reaches your target.

Some Safeguards

Thinking about how you shape and introduce the role is so vital. The key is to support the development of relationship naturally. It is very easy for such a role to become like a pseudo-support worker role.

Think about how you are going to create a sustainable living situation. These are things like space and time together and apart, coming to understand each other over time, paying attention to how a relationship develops and how the rhythms of life ebb and flow for people and how people get to feel like it is their home.

Yep we were trapped, as many families are, in burden-thinking.

Taking the leap into this unknown territory has been one of the most liberating things we have done and THE way that we are ridding ourselves of this kind of thinking.

His supportive housemates have provided support and companionship and so much more, in exchange for reduced rent.

We are searching at the moment for someone new and I realise we have much to share. The joys, the characters along the way and finding the methods that work.

This experience is becoming even more pertinent with small but exciting government changes now enabling people to apply for resources which help them move into their own home .

Shadowlands

My brother spent pretty much all of his childhood in group homes and hostels. This is a much bigger story to tell, suffice to say that it is a wounding experience he and my family still carry. Abused, languishing and lonely, there was not a single person present to celebrate his 18th birthday apart from us. Something had to change.

On reflection, the most important part of this early stage of change was just running with the pure belief even though we had no personal evidence or experience that it would work. We just held to the idea that other people had done it. Other leaders were telling us it could happen. I would walk around suburbs and stand in front of what I thought were beautiful homes (not necessarily the grandest) and just imagine Matthew in one of them. I put myself in the way of stories of amazing people like Shawntell Strully.

Matthew doesn’t speak and he needs help in every aspect of his life. And I mean every. An early experience of his vulnerability was going on a bushwalk with him. I was always adventurous with him and pushed him up over some rocks piled together. He got his leg jammed down one. I knew I had to leave him to go get help. As I was running home I realised that he would do nothing to help himself – he wouldn’t call out, he wouldn’t try and budge his leg. He’d just stay there until goodness knows what.

We really had little foundation to build upon. He had no friends without disabilities, no job, no other roles and we had no money to make things happen. In fact we had nothing that demonstrated such an inclusive approach would work for him.

Stretching into the light

When Math moved from the group home, he moved into a gorgeous little house in Eastwood, Sydney, we didn’t know anyone who could be his supportive housemate and we weren’t ready to advertise for strangers.

So in the early days my younger brother and I lived with Matthew ……

Big mistake!

My younger brother and I argued a lot and really really disliked each other’s habits. I remember vacuuming at about midnight one night just outside his room to annoy him and to demonstrate how important cleaning is goddammit! That was the end of that little experiment in sibling comraderie. But we also had great times. We so relished Math having his own home. We had parties and I’m proud to say that they were so much fun the police sometimes even got an invite!

Matthew’s first small business attempt happened here. We created a bulk organic food-buying group and his home was the base of the group. We would gather and distribute the food and eat and generally have fun together. I loved living with him because it was close to my university and close to friends from university and I just so loved seeing him thrive and develop so quickly. I was living with him the first time he looked at himself in the mirror and smiled! What a moment.

Light-bearers: Math’s supportive housemates

Eventually we had built enough opportunity for Math to meet people through our own networks.

One day my mum and I were chatting with a great friend of mine about looking for housemates. I remember it so vividly. My friend said that she and her partner were looking for a place to live and thought they would like to give it a go. Well my arm literally slipped off the kitchen-island and I almost fell flat on my face.

Bingo – we were making it happen. From pure belief.

But also here is another insight – nobody has nothing. We say we built from nothing. But we had ideas, belief, courage, and others beside us. With these resources extraordinary things are possible. In fact they come before the money. Money doesn’t bring these. Money can only assist these ideas take shape.

So these were Math’s first real housemates and we owe them such a debt of gratitude because their action made it real. And they proved that people without disabilities who aren’t family, can live with a person who doesn’t speak and who has many challenging attributes.

Julie and Math devoured sport together. Adey and Sheree bought their dogs – oh the joy that this brought. So much so that we market to people who have pets now because we know how hard it is to find a place with a pet. And Math LOVES them. Alex and Daniel and their daughter brought the experience of a young family. I remember him patting Alex’s pregnant belly. It’s incredible to me that he understood this entirely complex concept. Daniel also helped Math start his first micro-business.
Daniel discovered his passion in life while living there; cultivating and growing native orchids. He decided to sell them at markets. He invited Math to be his partner. Another jaw-dropping moment. We built a shade-house. Math learned to pot orchids with support. I didn’t think he had it in him to stay on task for something like this. Daniel would get up early and go to markets. Math came along later and would bring new supplies and help man the stall.

I remember supporting Math one day at a market. I set up a chair at the back of the stall-tent in the shade. Math refused to sit there. He walked round the front of his stall and sat in a chair right there! The customers just had to deal with his (strange-to-them) noises and movements. It is hard to shake burden-thinking.

Our new adventure at the moment is to create a different role for the supportive housemate. We’re experimenting with having them much more involved in Math’s day-to-day life and home-making. We want to create a firmer partnership between Math and his housemate, like the core unit. It’s a subtle but potentially life-changing shift again for him. At 41, like many of us, we’re looking to establish more permanency.

Our learnings

• The right person is out there. People without disabilities do want to live with a person with significant disability.
• It typically takes longer to find such a person.
• You need to spend time on crafting the role of the supportive housemate. What is it you are actually wanting them to do?
• Building networks and using networks is a strong foundation for finding the right person.
• But people can also come through advertising. We use Gumtree and Easyroommate. We gave up newspaper advertising long ago. Most people look online now for a house-sharing arrangement.
• We always state what the benefit is to the supportive housemate. This is asset-based thinking. Why is this a great deal for someone? Doing this is a great counter to the incessant creep of burden-thinking.
• We state upfront that Matthew has an intellectual disability. We craft the ad in first person even though he can’t speak or write. The reasons for NOT advertising disability are equally compelling. There is no right or wrong way.
• Spending time before committing, meeting and talking with potential housemates. We have a 3 step process that seems to have worked quite well. Each stage is designed for people to self-select in or out.
• Pay attention to relationship all the time. Pay attention to good communication. We have made many mistakes in this area. We have lost sight of the perspectives of housemates many times and faced the impact of this. It can be of benefit having a non-family member be the main communication line with the housemate.
• Trial periods are good. No commitment time-frame to see how things are on both sides and adjust things accordingly.